The Forgiveness Factor

Getting Your Life Back by Cutting the Anchor of Unforgiveness

Does your life feel like it is spinning out of control? No matter how you try you cannot seem to get back on track. It could be you are harboring unforgiveness and bitterness from a past offense. You will never get your life back on track until you make the choice to forgive.

Forgiveness is often misunderstood; forgiving someone does not mean forgetting the offense. Instead it is choosing to let go and not hold it against the offender. Holding onto grudges can burden us like an anchor, causing more harm to ourselves than to those who have hurt us.

By choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from the shackles of past offenses. We make the conscious decision not to bring up the offense again. Even if the offender refuses to accept forgiveness.

Forgiving, Not Forgetting

Forgiving doesn't mean you will forget. When you choose to forgive, you release the offender from the transgression and decide not to hold it against them any longer. However, as human beings, we lack the capacity to forget these offenses. You will always retain the memory, but by choosing to forgive, you choose to let go of the emotional burden associated with the offense.

Recalling memories without holding onto bitterness is a key component of the forgiveness journey. Clinging to resentment is just like harming oneself while expecting others to suffer. When we remember hurts without bitterness, we reclaim our peace and mental well-being.

"Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies." Maya Angelou

The Burden of Unforgiveness

Unforgiveness acts as an anchor, dragging down those who hold onto it—not the ones they hold grudges against.

Holding onto grudges only harms yourself, not the person you're holding a grudge against. Carrying resentment can take a toll on your well-being, impeding development and healing.

I learned this lesson the hard way after having a falling out with a family member. The tension and bitterness consumed me while they appeared unaffected. It wasn’t until I made the choice to forgive that I experienced a sense of healing. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrong done—it’s about liberating yourself from negativity. By letting go of this weight, you create space for growth and a happier, more satisfying life.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." Lewis Smedes

Shifting the Emotional Load

Forgiving someone doesn’t guarantee they will forgive you in return. This is an essential aspect to grasp in the forgiveness process.

When you offer forgiveness, you transfer the burden of emotions from yourself to them. Whether they forgive you or not is beyond your control. I had a friend who never forgave me for a misunderstanding. Initially, it was tough to accept. Eventually, I understood that my act of forgiveness was for my well-being.

It enabled me to move on without being burdened by their lingering emotions. By concentrating on your development and recovery, you can find peace irrespective of the person's reaction.

"Forgiveness is not always easy. Sometimes it seems harder than the hurt we endured to forgive the one who caused it... There can be no peace without forgiveness." Marianne Williamson

The Continual Path of Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event but an ongoing process that demands consistent effort and sometimes revisiting. There will be moments when old wounds resurface, bringing back feelings of hurt.

Lastly, remember nobody is perfect. It is our flaws and differences that make a vibrant world. It is a certainty that more offenses will happen in this lifetime. You will get offended and you will offend others. However, choosing to forgive quickly will prevent you from falling into the quick-sand of bitterness.

"We must develop and maintain the ability to forgive. Without the power to forgive, one lacks the ability to love." C.S. Lewis

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