Growing up Gay in a Not-so-Gay Home
My life story is intertwined with the passing decades navigating transformations, personal challenges and ultimately embracing my identity.
The Beginning
I was born in the early 70s into a conservative Christian household. My father was a self-employed carpenter who moved us frequently. By the time I had reached middle school we had moved five times! Each of those moves meant a new school and new friends. Finally in sixth grade we moved to a small town in Western Michigan and never moved again.
This new found stability allowed our family to grow strong roots both in the community and the church. Our lives revolved around the church—attending services twice on Sundays and once on Wednesday nights—a testament to our faith. However this faith also imposed beliefs about sexuality deeming being gay not unacceptable but as a sinful choice that would condemn me to eternal damnation.
Puberty hit hard in sixth grade and, as is typical, my hormones began to go into overdrive. This solidified the internal feelings I had always known. I was gay. There was no question. It did not matter what my parents or pastor told me. I knew it from deep inside my soul that I was gay. However, I knew the ramifications of telling anyone, so I buried those feelings even deeper. Everything inside me wanted to let the world know, but I couldn’t.
Uncertain Times
The 1980s and early 90s marked an era of societal attitudes towards homosexuality. Tolerance was rare as fear surrounding AIDS, combined with misinformation intensified the stigma and discrimination against the gay community. Growing up during this time meant my feelings were not frowned upon but demonized. My first encounter with another guy at the age of 16 was shrouded in secrecy and fear—a contrast to the discovery such moments are meant to bring.
Marriage & Divorce
In 1997 during a time when societal acceptance was still distant and evolving I made the decision to get married hoping that it would suppress the truth about my identity. This marriage endured for two decades demonstrating the extent to which I was willing to conform to expectations and the values instilled in me. It wasn't until 2016 after years of struggles and societal changes that I found the courage to publicly embrace who I truly am. This decision led to the end of my marriage. Marked the beginning of living a life.
Living in secrecy until 2016 throughout the 80s and early 90s was a journey filled with isolation and fear. The level of acceptance for being gay during those decades was minimal. The risks associated with coming out were immense not on a social level but also personally and professionally. It was a time when LGBTQ+ rights advocacy was gaining momentum while facing opposition and backlash. Choosing silence became my survival strategy as I navigated a world that seemed unprepared to accept individuals, like myself.
Embracing My Truth
The act of revealing myself in 2016 represented not only a significant personal milestone but also served as an indication of how far society had progressed while acknowledging that there is still much progress ahead. The response to my decision to be true to myself was a mix of reactions ranging from acceptance to feeling a sense of loss. This reflects changes in understanding and tolerance. Going from hiding who I truly am to embracing my authenticity has been a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the ability for change both within ourselves and in the world around us.
As I reflect on my journey today I am reminded of the progress we have made in terms of acceptance and equality. However I am also keenly aware that there are still challenges that persist. My story unfolds against the backdrop of shifting attitudes from the 80s and early 90s until now serving as a reminder of how courageous it can be to live in the face of adversity. It is a narrative filled with hope urging us all to embrace ourselves and speaking volumes about our struggle, for acceptance and love.
Conclusion
By sharing my story my intention is to offer comfort and support for those who find themselves on a path. Navigating issues surrounding identity in an ever changing world. Remember that your truth holds strength regardless of the era we live in. Embracing yourself is one of life's liberating journeys you can embark upon.
